Bali on my Mind

Bali is on my mind. I am so sick of work and can't wait for next week because I am going to Bali for 8 days. I paid my deposit and confirmed my flights. I am going for sure.

This morning I found another trip-Egypt. This trip will be over New Years. Will have to find a room mate for this trip. A good trip to do since I have like a million days of vacation. Somehow I forgot to vacation for the past 18 months.

The last time I went to Bali was over ten years ago. I took my mother with me since she wants to go too. It was the only trip that mother and daughter. So Bali have special meaning for me. I didn't get to take her to China because she was so indecisive.

I am so sick of work that I don't even want to go the gala night this Friday. I just want this shindig to be over and done with. I am already preparing for when I get back from Bali. I guess I have put most of my time and dedication into this project that I have expend myself. Seeing the project come to life is almost like a let down. Also, this is my ultimate goal two years ago. After this I have concentrate on another career goal

I can see my self doing yoga and getting spa massages, a batik lesson, shopping and visiting cultural stuff. The highlight of this trip is I get to attend a Law of Attraction seminar. So I am reading up on the subject again.

I can't wait.

TGIF on Monday

I can't wait until this Friday. When It's Friday and the clock hits midnight, then I am official free. I am on vacation.

So now I have to look busy. Not really, I am really busy, busy, busy.
I still have to confirm my vacation because . . .busy, busy. busy.

At any rate, I will have to plan and do things in advance this week. Finalize my vacation after the 1st. Then I should be just find unless Murphy's decides to visit me. But there is a solution to every problem.

This past weekend I had a busy weekend, but also relaxing. I went shopping for shoes and got a facial. Also, I went out of town for some merit making, met some people that I haven't seen in many, many years. Even have enough time to go shopping and come home, cook dinner for the next week. I even went to sleep early and feel rested.

My mind is clouded. Clouded with thoughts of what will happen after my vacation. Will I be stuck with my present job duties? Is there some one who will replace me? What will I be doing once there is someone to replace me? Will I get the raise that I deserve? If don't get what I want, should I leave any way? If I don't get what I want, then negotiate less hours (or less days per week) but with the same pay?

Then, how about my business? Shall I return and do the business? Or jump straight in to the other business? Or do both (with the condition that my day job is not so demanding)? Can I really tolerate the WBS management team? Can I avoid attend long, drawn-out, boring, lack of direction, meeting that go around in circles without an end? Or business that I have to travel to meet with prospective? Or forget about business altogether and do some investing instead?

Do I have a way out for all these questions? Are there still other questions that I haven't thought of? My fears are manifesting because I need direction in my life. I am hoping that by the end of my vacation, I will get some clarity regarding the directions of my life.

So apply the LOA. So what do I want?

Oh can't wait for my retreat in Bali. I really deesrve it.

"Happiness is making the most of what you have."

From the quote, one can tell that I'd been busy and rather satisfied with my performance at work. But the caveat is that I don't want to be there and yet I can't seem to convince myself to leave.

I'd been busy about many things. First of all-work. In 8 days, al my work this past few weeks will culminate in a gala dinner which would my greatest achievement yet. Yes, I am happy and grateful that all my work will come to its full blossom very soon. Like a larvae struggling out of its cocoon. In eight days I will be free.

I'd been waiting for this freedom that I dreamt of for months and months. At first I was going to Barcelona, but my friends bailed. That was not going to stop me from flying away. So I got busy doing busy work and decided on a yoga retreat. You know what the domestic retreats looks good and really enticing but very expensive. It's cheaper for me to go on a retreat in Bali and enjoy on all the yoga I want. And you know, I get to attend a seminar on LOA. Yipee!

46/100 Blog hopping

Actually blog hopping is a drain on your energy. But, not after you did all your work and I'd been working very hard until this afternoon. This is the calm before the storm.

I have been writing for some days now because I'd been busy that I am naked at the end of the day. Also, I am addicted to my DVDs, watching movies that I'd missed when they were in town.

I'd been so concentrated one the one important task which would be the highlight of my career. The Awards and Awards night Although, I haven't been working on the Awards night that much, my reward is going for the tastings. The people who are helping are great and has been a great help to me in achieving my task.

Alas, now that I can see the brass ring around the corner, I have to decide what to do next. Stick to my original plan and quit my job work at my business. Or ride the wave and see what happen.

At this point in my life, I want to ride the wave and see how "as TTA turns" pans out. If I listen to the fortune teller, then I should wait until after November 15 before concentrate on the business.

At this point I feel like a child in the middle of a whirlpool. The scenes that spinning around is the options I have laid out for myself. One scene is riding the wave out and now I have to wait to see if funding is place. Second scene is no funding in place, then coast the ride until another company comes along. Third scene, quit and work on the business. Fourth, ride the coast and find other channels to earn my 100,000 monthly passive income.

For real, I have to earn that passive income because it would be very beneficial to my life. After going to the 'House and Condo show', I really can't see myself owning anything if I can't get the passive income. Boo hoo hoo.

I guess I let the scene spin around a bit more and perhaps, clarity will come to me.

40/100 A Midway blog

Why, you're in the middle of work. Stop by and blog!

I feel like I am waking up from a long sleep. More like a bear waking up from hibernation but I wasn't hibernating, rather I was working long hours in a closed area, countig the days to my freedom.

40 days ago I would have been estatic because I would really be free. But now I'd feel like I been bitch slapped and still disoriented from the blunt force. I am not sure what I am waking up to.

40 days ago I was sure that I will leave and work on my business. Then the melodrama began. One thing for sure the situation have changed and I am still part of the game. The other side of the game, the one I wanted to be in doesn't look too good anymore. Even so, this side of the game, although is the winning side, will not get what I really want.

Considering the overall point of view, staying with winner team will not improve my situation. But going to the other side might, no guarantees, get me what I want but but I would have to be sacrificing day-to-day satisfaction and contentment for the potential money I might earn.

W are having a team meeting this Friday and from the pseudo-boss, we will ave lots of changes. More and more projects are coming in and already confirmed, so plenty f work to do. The new company is progressing, although at a slow pace, will go ahead. I already saw the changes, however, I do not see my situation changing at all.

If I go to the business, with the organization I can't really give my full support to, I will get what I want. Sacrifice e time, for th long-term result.

I just hope that when I emerge into the light, I will now which road to take. Oh, what to do. What to do.

37/100 Why am I so happy!

'Why are you so happy' was the remark my pseudo boss said to me today. I didn't realize that I was happy.

Even after the working hour, I even got yoga and meditation in for day. I had the deepest sleep for about 10 minutes. I floated into bliss.

I had a very long but good day today. I worked and worked and worked my fingers to the bone. I didn't check my private emails until I got home. That's very rare, especially that I was in the office all day.

I must say that today's a perfect working day. And I celebrated by do the yoga and meditation. After a day like today, falling down the stairs (in public, to, I must add) didn't matter anymore.

Yes, I had a very good, fulfilled and happy day.

35/100 I survived

What do you mean- 'I survived.' You're not survivor or any other reality show.

I survived the first week of the NCCA-something I'd be dreaming and dreading-congruently-for the past two years ever since they pulled the plug the last time. I dreamt of it because it was it was promised to the members of the organization I am invovled with I read i because its the first time in this nation that this award is happening and progressing. Lets say that I am vested in this venture.

I survived the wek of running aroud, coordinating logistics, people movement, people participation, etc. Anyone who have organized any big event will know. Anyone who have organized a big event single-handedly will understand and perhaps symphatize.

I will not go into the detail of the process here. This blog is not about the awards-it's about LOA and and everyting that has to do with it. This blog is not my daily journal, butt it will aappear to be so. However, you can't call it a daily bog because Ihaven't 'blogged' in a few day.

Why am I here today?

I was on my way home and realized that I would like to go shopping for some DVD. This doesn't happen often because I have a person who comes and deliver DVDs of my choice to me. But, alas, she doesn't carry the type of DVDs I 'desired'. I don't use the word 'want because it connotate a yearning or yen of such DVDs.

For examaple, a hot summer days day. The neighborhood icecream truck comes by and the children line up to buy their favorite iceceram. Yeah, the idea of having an iceceam bar sound good so you queue up aand buy your icecream. Now, that is desire. However, if you really think that a chocolate fudge sundae is exactly what you want, then that's 'want.'

One can look up a dictionary and findd what I'd describe is the opposite of each other. But that's my definition.

Before I degress any further, I went shopping for some fitness DVDs. And before I knew, I had much more than DVDs. When it's time for me to head home, I took the train ande before my home station, I realized that it's raining cats and dogs. I could ageet out and wait for the train to subside but it would mean that I will be at station just sstaring out into the open waiting for the rain to stop. It's like watching the kettle boil or the paint dry. It doesn't happen fast enough.

So I decided to find a place where I do something while waiting for the rain to stop. I could go see a picture show but I have not idea whats is showing. Or I can go to a bar and down a couple before I headed home (again). Ah, I was just having dinner, a Japanese restaurant, and I down a bottleof sake. Ummm, it was good. I haven't had sake in a very long titme.

So I ended up in an internet cafe writing this blog. It's a good thing too, because I can look out the window and see if the rain have stop. Freankly, it doesn't make a difference because it's so dark outside, it's hard to tell.

At any rate, going to the overview of today is what I would all a 50/50. 50 perent you control (so you think) and tthe other 50 percent you have no control over.

Okay, the 50 opercent I have control over::

1. I have to get to a cleient by 9.30 AM. So it leaves me some time to get my e-mail answered between 11 and lunch time.
2. Get thee-mail blast done.
3. Prepare for next week

Basically, that the gist of the paln for today.

A call comes in this morning and it's th boss. Our appointment is reall for an hour later than I thought. Damn. So I went to the office but at the trainstation, I realized that I forgot my metro card. Counting the trips that I plan to make on the Metro today, Idecided to get an one-dday pass. To make a long story short- everything worked fine but I ended up going to the office before I go to the client. Got a few things done--yeah.

So I headed to the client. Everything was fine until I got to the client and boom-they haven't a clue why I am there. The person that I was dealing with have left and no seem to know thing about what I talking about. To conclude the story, the two people I know left the company. And the peson in charge of the matter was on holidays. After a while, I got to the right peeople and yes, as I suspect they haven't a clue. I have to reschedule. And its a good thing that the boss was there so I didn't have to explain myself too much.

The best thing that came out of this deblocal is that I got to ride back to the office. So we talked about whats going on. What happened in the apast few days. And mostly importantly which directly is "As TTA turns" is going to. Firstly, no onehave commented to anything, event he boss. And the TWTC is still securing funding. Just as I thought, there must be some hiccups because things are progressing too slow for a 'done deal'.

This doesna't sit well in my mind. If things remain the same -- then m life remains the same. I have to re-evaluate the situation. I may have to revert back to my original plan of leaving the company althogether.

Then I get to the office right at lunch time. I go to the restaurant and there, my colleagues were finishing lunch. Good, this would mean a free lunch -- it would cost the office and I get to guys to buy-in to the situation next week. But at lunch, I get more information about the new company. It doesn't look good.

This didn't bother me at al I must say. Yet, in the afternoon, I was feeling pretty up and rearing to go because I have a million and one things to sort out. My friend came to visit me and brought me some stuff. so this weekend I ma go to a meeting instead of laying in bed playing a computer game.

This when I get down to realy working, I find somemore thigs I have to overcome. It's notning major, rather minor in retrospetive, but I got it all done. So I am feeling very good.

End up IM a friend that I have spoken to in a very long time. Perhaps over 12 months. It's nice to vent--mildly speaking. Unwind the day relating about whats going on ion my life casually. Getting another prospective to whats happening. I am not too worried about whats happened. I am not too worried about what's going to happen. I aam feeling really good!

This feelaing good is really good for me. I have reward myself and and that's how I eventually ended up going DVD shopping, having sake for dinner and getting caught in the rain. Very roundabout way of recounting my day.

The rain has stop and I eally want to go home. You know what would make today perfect, if I don't forget to buy milk on my way back home.

Yes, I am the champion!

31/100 October 1st

I thought today will be a busy day. I have it planned out and everything went accordingly.

I found a very good coaching site on the internet. Its www.simpleology.com by Mark Joyner. It so simple and straightforward (and down right silly) but it gets to the point. Since I began the daily lessons, and daily praxies - I get alot done and a very short time without worry about the outcome. I learning to not to sweat over the small stuff.

It's like a simple to do list. Great because you don't feel guilty went you don't finish whats on you list. You become aware of your actions, tasks and deeds -- the good ones and ones that drain your energies.

It also keeps you focus on your goals. I like the way they break it down: short term (one to two week time span), medium terms (2 weeks to 6 months) and long term (6 months to 3 years). You write your goals down and answer the questions regarding the goals. It's up to you to determine your deadline.

I haven't finished the course yet, but I just know it will be good. Hey, if it's good for me, then it will be good for you.

The course is making my life simple thus far and I want to keep it this way.

Namaste,

Ms Mak