Go where your heart is . . .

So I went to see my colleague in the business to find out about the changes that occurred when I was gone. I made arrangements to meet my colleague at the compound but I will not go in the office. I didn't want to be stuck in the office until late. No more late night meetings for me. It's all futile for me.

I went with the intention of airing my pet peeves and there are alot of pet peeves in the organization. The last meting that I attended, about eight weeks ago, There were the leaders up to there usual antics about begging for money, bad mouthing other organization, and talking about buying a bar so that the party would be more feasible. I almost walk out of the meeting because all that mentioned was against my ethics. I haven't been the same since.

Now that I come from my hiatus and find that there have been many changes in the organization. So I asked directly of what happened; what occurred that impeded the changes.

Hong told me the office moved because of the growth of the organization. However, I believe that there is more than that. Yes, the meeting were getting a bit too crowded, but it has always been crowded. The crowds don't bother me, its the length of time for the meetings that bothered me. Its the language and the way the meeting is conducted that bothered me.

Then I went into the business of wellness. The way the organization is, it has nothing to do with wellness. Going out and partying until the wee hours meeting movie stars that I have no idea who they are and have no interest in--all the activities thus far has no value to me. I am not going to invite people to go partying with star we just do know or care about. My friends really don't care about stuff like this. It's just not attractive enough.

Everything else remains the same. The preliminary meetings will still go on; the how2 may been renamed to something but it will go on. THe only consolation, if one can think of it as a consolation, is the meetings will be slightly shorter. But my heart is no in it at all.

If I were to ask myself if I should change my life to fit the organization or find an organization that suits my lifestyle? My heart is not in this organization. I really don't know what I am willing to do to succeed in this organization. Yes, I can spend more time in the organization (and cut downn my yoga time) but will I learn anything new?

I can start make calls but I just don't feel confident in my speech. People can tell that my heart is not in the stuff. I have no passion regarding this organization. Just like I told my colleagues at the end, nobody wants to invest money and not get nothing in return. At some point there will have toi be a cut out point. I have reach that point.